First, I’m gonna need a little help here.  Here is one of the most popular search terms used to access my site this morning:

עוגה 40

Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?

Ok.  Now down to bidness.  Actually, not down to bidness.  If I were actually doing what I’m s’posed to be doing right now, then THAT would be getting down to, well, you know.  But I’m not.

I had some ideas for a post as a result of the night-from-hell I had a few nights ago.  And if I had had a laptop, I could have sat on the floor right then and there and told y’all about it, but I didn’t.  So now, a lot of it is lost.  But in a nutshell, here it is.

I had no idea that so many people in this area knew who David Sedaris was.  I mean, heck yeah, he’s popular, and all of his books hit the bestseller list, but dayum.  Here?  Anyway, he was here.  He was here to talk, and make us laugh, and sign copies of his newest book.  So I went to B&N on my lunch hour, got wristbands for myself and for buddy Kristie, and thought all was right with the world.  My hot pink wristband ensured me a place at the talk as well as a great spot in line for the signing.

Funny thing, good spots in line.  They somehow lose their magic when over 1000 people show up.

We got there around 6.  And stood.  And stood some more.  The gracious folks at B&N passed around samples of cookies, party mix, and Red Bull (that’s when I knew the average age of the crowd clocked in at about 19.2).  Ate. Stood.  Browsed.  WHY WASN’T ANYTHING HAPPENING????  I people-watched.  Some folks came straight from work.  Most came from campus.  Others, I’m afraid, don’t get out much, as evidenced by their FORMAL GOWNS.  Some couldn’t be bothered with the small things.  Like bathing.  Some had not had conversations with other people in, like, decades.  Others had never had a conversation.  Who were these people and where have they been?  Had Mr. Sedaris been mingling with the crowd, he’d certainly have found material for a couple more chapters.

The line never moved.  At 7, the inimitable Mr. Sedaris stopped signing and started talking.  He read several selections from the new book, then took questions from the audience.  (Buddy, if that’s the best question you can come up with, put your damn hand down.)  One woman in the audience asked if he wanted to have dinner with her and her friends later.  He responded graciously, saying it looked like he was going to be there for quite awhile, but thank you.

After his reading and discussion, he said he’d sign till everyone was gone.  We stood some more.  We sat.  I think I finished War & Peace.  The line barely moved.  Kristie finally said she had to bail — it was late.  I found out that she wasn’t even getting a book signed — she was there to hear him and keep me company.  Is that a cool friend or what?

At 10 p.m., I started thinking of reasons to stay.  I started saying things like, Ok, if we are out of the teen  section of the store by 10:05, I’ll stay.

At 10:15 p.m., I had read the book covers of every teen book B&N had to offer.

At 10:20 p.m., I started thinking of reasons to leave.

At 10:20 & 30 seconds, I started wondering why a signature was so important anyway.

At 10:21 p.m., I left.

I read that he signed until 2:00 a.m.

Know what?  There are some trashy books written for teens.