Did I ever tell y’all about the time that Brad Pitt and George Clooney sneaked up on me and scared me? No, it’s NOT like the time I stalked myself.

Well, not exactly like that time.

Here goes. (Why do I do this, anyway? You’re just gonna make fun of me.) But anyway, there was the time I got back from lunch, pulled out a mirror to reapply my lipstick, and noticed Brad and George, standing right there behind me, in my freakin’ office. The hell? I jumped out of my skin, and not because it was Brad and George. Well, not just because it was Brad and George. I just couldn’t imagine how anyone could have gotten in there without my seeing them. And what the hell did they want? So I spun around to acknowledge them and, well, ran smack into the framed Oceans Eleven movie poster that hangs on the wall behind my desk. No, it’s been there a long time.

Stop it.

Then there was the time that I entered a dressing room at a department store, arms loaded down with stuff I was going to try on but not buy, and bumped into the lady that was already in there. I said ‘excuse me’ and scrambled to get out quickly before I realized I had been talking to myself. In the mirror.

Yeah.

And they let me drive and vote.

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