*Or, alternatively, “Why I Have Once Again Lost Faith In the Human Race.”

You jackass. Yeah, I’m talking to you. The guy who, along with your friends, decided to converge on a kids’ party venue, get on the go-kart track, and terrorize three twelve-year-olds. Three twelve-year-old girls.

It’s a kids’ place, dammit. And you, sadly, are of voting age. (You’ll notice I didn’t say an ‘adult.’) You’re old enough to have kids of your own. Heck, you were probably there WITH your kids. Yet you got on the go-karts and turned it into a game of bumper cars.

My daughter has a goose-egg sized knot and bruise on her back, as does her friend. All because you thought it would be funny to get in a go-kart (intended for kids) and ram it into the rear of the other karts on the track.

You’re lucky I wasn’t there to see it. If I had been, you would have seen this five-foot-tall spitfire jump a fence and go all mama on your ass.

My daughter and her friends finally gave up. Although one of your party was finally asked to leave, it was too late. Feeling ganged-up on and helpless isn’t the way she and her friends wanted to spend what was left of the afternoon.

So pat yourself on the back for a job well done. You helped me realize that age means nothing and testosterone doesn’t make a man.