(Dude. Don’t even TRY to understand today’s post if you haven’t read the previous one. Just sayin’.
Ed.)

Day 2.

6:00 a.m. Ever notice when they tell you you can’t eat or drink you suddenly become hungrier and thirstier than you’ve ever been in your life? Well that’s me. Times a thousand. Plus infinity. Plus one.

6:05 a.m. Very weak, but attempt a shower. One has to look cute, even when getting two separate tubes inserted from two different directions. Apply makeup, stopping at lips. They’d only wipe it off.

6:10 a.m. Change mind about lipstick. Looking a bit too pale. Let them wipe it off.

6:20 a.m. Thought I was finished with all that. BRB. Bathroom run.

7:30 a.m. Load up into car. I sleep while hubby drops Miss Priss at school. Onward.

7:45 a.m. Traffic. Blech. I’m going back to sleep.

8:25 a.m. R-r-r-r-ring! Cellphone. Justin the nurse at the digestive health clinic. We’ve moved your procedure from 9:30 to 8:30. Can you make it? Sure. Thanks for the warning.

8:31 a.m. Hurryhurryhurryfilloutthesepapersthey’rewaitingforyou.

8:32 a.m. In a gown. On a stretcher. Ouch. Damned IV. In the hand-ee. Me no likee. Stupid, mean old nurse.

8:40 a.m. Aaaah. Happy medicine. Nice, pretty nurse.

8:45 a.m. Bye, all. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

8:48 a.m. Nurse sprays my throat three times with some nasty-tasting stuff to numb my throat. I ask her a quest…

At this point, if I had any skillz at all, I would insert a solid, black hole here, a spinning vortex, if you will, to represent the next few hours. I, however, have no skillz at all right now. But I’m loopy as hell and that’s a good thing. They tell me the procedure went well. They tell me I was under for about 45 minutes and there’s no cancer. Just gastritis. Tissue to be biopsied and results back in a week or so. I think to myself that this is good news. Then I go back to sleep.

3:10 p.m. Somehow I’m at home, although I don’t remember anything after the nurse spraying my throat. I ask again what happened, find out that everything looks good, with the exception of gastritis, and find out that there are several types. That’s what the biopsy is for. I’ll find out next week what kind of gastritis I have. Only one could be cancerous, and they don’t seem to be leaning in that direction.

And that’s a good thing.

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