1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren’t necessary and shouldn’t be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalzse.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
17. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
19. The passive voice is to be ignored.
20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.
24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”
25. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
26. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
29. Who needs rhetorical questions?
30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
And the last one…
31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
You may commence thanking me now.
June 19, 2006 at 10:48 am
I violate Rule 3 all the time. And I don’t apologize for it.
michele sent me.
June 19, 2006 at 10:54 am
I had to send this to my mother in law (whom I adore!). She was an English professor and now that she’s retired, she edits for people.
Obviously, I’m not one of them. heh heh
June 19, 2006 at 11:02 am
As an english major I am proud to say that my blog is an abhoration of the english language.
Cute blog.
June 19, 2006 at 11:02 am
Oh my, I had best keep my comments short. I am always full of errors!
Happy Day!
June 19, 2006 at 11:30 am
You cheat with the list!
But, as someone who gets paid to write (I know, shocking), I would agree that all these are valuable tips to live by.
Now tomorrow we want to hear all about how well you treated Mr Nerd on his big day. Share the pain of the niceness!
June 19, 2006 at 11:31 am
Oh, and you posted at 11:11 again.
June 19, 2006 at 12:04 pm
Interestingly enough, I attempted to post from about 10:30 a.m. on. Blogger finally LET me at, of course, 11:11. Ain’t it cool?
June 19, 2006 at 12:33 pm
My comment poofed. Anyway, I break them all, and as often as I can.
June 19, 2006 at 1:17 pm
These are a hoot! Thanks for reading and commenting on my blog (you were from Michele and I’m returning the visit!)
June 19, 2006 at 1:27 pm
Very cute.
June 19, 2006 at 1:45 pm
this list always makes me laugh…
michele sent me this time. 🙂
June 19, 2006 at 2:19 pm
Amen. (Sister)!!!
🙂
June 19, 2006 at 4:15 pm
I am SO guilty… I am merely a wordnerd wannabe. I can live with that! 😀
June 19, 2006 at 4:33 pm
Be sure to let Stew know I’m on the comeback trail!
I think I am pretty good with the english language. However, I tend to overuse the …. because I tend to actually speak that way, drifting off and then coming back with another idea. I’m also real bad about creating my own words when I can’t decide which real ones to use.
June 19, 2006 at 6:18 pm
I break EVERY rule on the list. (Especially this one, as I consider it an aside.)
*SIGH*. All of those years of learnin’ were wasted, eh?
June 19, 2006 at 6:38 pm
Here from Michele.
I’d never write anything if I had to adhere to ALL those rules. I do try to follow most or at least some of them.
June 19, 2006 at 6:51 pm
LOL, LOL..This is really good! It is so funny! Thanks for the visit and thanks for the laugh today, too!
June 19, 2006 at 7:23 pm
Ooohhh great! Funny great great
great. I love #13
June 19, 2006 at 8:39 pm
Sometimes the best writing violates as many rules as possible.
At least that’s what I tell myself.
Loved the list. 🙂
June 20, 2006 at 6:59 am
This list is awesome. I am going to print it out and tack up on my bulletin board so I can always see it and read it and then see what sentences I do wrong and then not do them wrong anymore because the list will remind me not to do them wrong anymore.
June 20, 2006 at 10:56 am
I love this list, but I still break lots of rules.
Thanks for stopping by my blog the other day! I’ll be back, I’m sure.
June 22, 2006 at 10:43 pm
This is better than my Strunk and White “Elements of Style!” I need to save this. Hi says Michele.
July 4, 2006 at 11:07 am
I had a copy of this posted over my desk when I was in j-school. It always gave me inspiration when I most needed it.
Oddly, I have always done my darndest to push the bounds of language. I don’t always stay within the rules. But when I stray, I do so for a reason. Language is a tool that can be twisted any which way to convey not just the message, but its underlying subtlety.
Sometimes, coloring inside the lines doesn’t give me all the room I need to accomplish that.
July 7, 2006 at 7:19 am
Uttermostly funny. My favourites are 6, 26, and all the rest.