I think I have officially seen (and heard) it all. Yes, this Tuesday morning, a lovely, sunny morning in mid-May, I have official confirmation that the world has lost. Its. Stinkin’. Mind.
You know it’s bad when terrorists can enroll in flight school and molesters can walk freely near our children.

But don’t try to apply for a library card for your child.

Seems one of my co-workers decided to walk next door to our office to the public library to apply for library cards for her two children. One child is five, the other is six. They are attending a summer day camp in which they visit the library from time to time, so she decided it was time to get them their own cards.

See? It’s already sounding sinister, isn’t it?

She walked next door to the library. The most intense library guy in the history of intense library guys was busily tapping at his computer. She waited patiently for intense library guy to look up. And then she said, quite politely I’m sure, that she would like to obtain library cards for her children. Intense library guy stood up, looked over the counter at her, and looked around.

“Where are they?”
“Who? My children?”
“Yes. Where are they?”
“Well, they aren’t here. One of them is…”
“They have to be here.”
“I can’t get the cards for them?”
“No. They have to sign.”
“Sign? My son is five. He can barely write his name and then the ‘E” is backwards.”
“They have to sign.”
“I can’t sign for them?”
“They have to sign.”
“You do realize that this is the most ridiculous thing ever, right?”
“They have to sign.”

She came back to work. Shrieking. Without library cards. She called the library back. Asked to speak to the main intense library person. Main intense library person got on the phone. My friend explained her dilemma.

“My son can’t really sign his name. I’m taking responsibility.”
“Well, you were misinformed. He doesn’t have to sign for it. But he has to exist.”
“Huh?”
“Your children have to be present so we know they exist.”
“I have two 8 x 10’s on my desk I can bring over.”
“No, ma’am. We had a lady come in one day for five cards. But she only had three children with her. The other two were asleep in the car. We made her go wake them up and bring them in.”

So it’s perfectly okay that children can be left unattended in a car, but when it comes to getting a library card, we need to do the right thing.

Homeland Security would be so proud.

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