Exactly how grossed out am I right now? Like really? Pretty bad. Because I just ate what I think was synthetic banana. And that’s the best description I can stomach right now. Anything else and I’ll start gagging and hurling and it’ll be all pandemonious all over the keyboard and stuff and I can’t really have that. (So…you don’t think that’s a word, eh? Meh.)

Oh. And for the record? Because I keep doing things like this? DON’T “google” the word “gross” or “disgusting.”

But I was eating my little container of healthy (dammit) yogurt, all up in the strawberry banana, when I came across this morsel that didn’t resemble much of anything I’d ever tasted. The yogurt was chockful of yummy little real strawberries, and I assumed that the “banana” in it was in the form of artificial flavoring of some sort. But this morsel, y’all, just didn’t have the texture of anything else in the container. And it sure didn’t have the texture of, say, a freakin’ banana. It just kind of slithered down with the rest of the yogurt, and I didn’t start thinking about it until after I’d swallowed it. And now I can’t stop.

All this made me think of different stories I have heard about people eating or drinking something really gross without knowing until afterwards. Aside from all the let’s make a million dollars the easy way by suing some Conglomo (props to Brenda!) for a finger or mouse or whatever in our chili methods, of course. Like one of my co-workers, who ate almost half a jar of bread-and-butter pickles before she saw bugs (literally, millions) floating in the vinegar. Or when Miss Priss was a toddler and found a discarded sippy cup of milk under her bed (bad mama bad mama) and tore into it. Stuff like that. So now I am totally grossed out and am bringing you, my dear readers, with me as I hurl down that slippery slope. Literally.

(I actually had at least two more incidents to share with you but realized that they were just too nasty to put into words.)

So tell me your own horror stories. I’m going to read the ingredients label on my cup of yogurt and hope for the best.

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