Author’s Note: Yes, the picture is that of your standard grocery cart. Yes, this post does have something to do with grocery carts. However, while this writer attempted to find a much more interesting picture, she accidentally made the horrific mistake of running “ouch” thru Google images. For the love of God and everything that you hold dear, please, please don’t ever, ever do that.

I’m baaaaaaaaack…not that many of you actually knew I was AWOL, but this is my page and I can delude myself into pretty much anything on it. I took a day off to do totally mundane stuff yesterday, and I’m back today, feeling totally disorganized from leaving my office unattended for three days…not getting much accomplished and realizing that really, it’ll be late Wednesday before I’m fully productive again, at which point it’ll be time to plan out the end of my week and weekend. Besides, I’m in the throes of March Madness which require me to plan my evenings accordingly so that I can only kinda-sorta neglect my kids in order to watch basketball.

Watched a couple of movies this weekend — Jarhead (meh) and Rent (oh so wonderfully fantastic even though it’s a conservative’s nightmare — but remember, I’m socially liberal, so….) Got the estimates done on my poor broken car (from the hit & run) and on my roof (from the hit & run tropical winds that tore half the shingles off the house), did the volleyball mom thing, got some grocery shopping done (the fridge was freakin’ echoing, y’all, I swear), and it was time to come back to work.

And it was at the grocery store that something so funny happened. So now I’m going to tell it to you, hoping and praying that you’ll find it as funny as I did. I’m talking the kind of thing that was so stupid when it happened that I got the giggles, thought about it this morning and chuckled again, and will now attempt to commit to the written word knowing full well that it will not freakin’ be that funny to you.

But here goes.

It was actually pretty simple. Miss Priss wanted to push the grocery cart. For some crazy-ass reason, I like pushing my own cart. Walking thru a grocery store without pushing the cart is, to me, like getting on a carnival ride and not being strapped in. It’s like driving a car without a steering wheel. It just feels weird. So we were “arguing” about the whole cart thing when she rolled the cart right over my foot. Accidentally, of course. Hmph. So I’m doubled over (it was a warm day, so I had on slip-on sandals) trying not to scream my ass off because it hurt so effin’ bad. And she’s doubled over, of course, because she shares my sick sense of humor that requires me, yes requires me, to laugh my ass off when someone gets hurt. (Okay, okay, you know what I mean. Not BAD hurt. But the bump-your-head, stub your toe, tripping kind of hurt.) So she was starting to laugh when all of a sudden she gasped and went totally pale. I was starting to worry about her (see what a good mom I am? My attention immediately left my throbbing toe and directed itself to her…) Then she burst out laughing. And pointing at the floor. On the floor was a tater tot. All mashed and ugly.

She thought the tater tot was my toe.

She thought the cart had cut my toe off and there it was, several feet away from my body, lying there. And she thought that suddenly this was no longer funny. She was appalled at the fact that she might have accidentally cut off my toe.

I was appalled at the fact that she thinks my toes look like tater tots.