Ok, before you start in on me, I am NOT picking on the mainstream media again. I am not climbing onto my soapbox and ranting like a total lunatic. I’m ranting. Like a lunatic. But NOT like a total lunatic. I just couldn’t take the stupidity a minute longer. I just couldn’t.

So. Without further ado, here are those news stories you just could not live without. Taken from the headlines over the past few days, these are developing stories that the mainstream media just had to send your way. With a little snark thrown in by yours truly. We are truly a dumbed-down society. Sigh.

Study Warns Women About Spring Break

Wed Mar 8, 7:11 AM ET

CHICAGO – The American Medical Association is warning girls not to go wild during spring break….

Wow. This is amazing. Remember when you and your girls popped a cold one and commenced to planning your spring vacation? There were just a few little things that needed to be done prior to the trip – find a car and driver, work overtime at the union for beer money, find a bathing suit, and get skinny.

Oh, and read all the latest medical journals.

This changes everything.

Stone Offers Kisses for Mideast Peace

TEL AVIV, Israel Sharon Stone is ready to do her part for Mideast peace: The “Basic Instinct” actress said Wednesday she “would kiss just about anybody” to end the Israel-Arab conflict….

Simply excellent. Once again, a Hollywood actor has the answer to everything.

Just think what another Basic Instinct crotch-shot could do for world peace.

‘The Bachelor’ Couple Say Romance Is Over

Tuesday March 7 12:41 PM ET

Humphrey Bogart said it to Ingrid Bergman in “Casablanca” and now Dr. Travis Stork can say it to Sarah Stone: “We’ll always have Paris.”

Stork, an emergency room physician, chose Stone, an elementary school teacher, in the finale of ABC’s “The Bachelor: Paris” last week.

The couple told The Tennessean in a joint interview Monday they are no longer a couple…..

No, DUH! Who saw that coming?

Working Vacation at Neverland

Mon Mar 13, 1:28 PM ET

California state labor officials have dealt a dose of reality to Michael Jackson’s fantasyland estate, calling for work at the working ranch to be brought to a halt until its pop star patriarch takes care of pressing money matters….

A dose of reality? Like the one the jurors completely ignored a while back?

Dear, dear me. Happy Tuesday.