…the random


 

Someone please, please tell me why these are the most common search terms that bring droves* of folks to my site:

 

Pumpkin bars

 

Mmmm good

 

Turpentine + chest cold

 

Word nerd

 

Saturday night live mah

 

Prune juice toddy

 

My aunt, very well endowed

 

Obviously, a couple of them make sense. The rest of them? Well? They, um, kinda give me pause.

*Droves. Yeah. It’s relative.

 (Oh. And didja notice?  My title is one of those whose meaning changes if you place the emphasis on different words within it.  Give it a try.  I actually went through all of them before I settled on “what.”)

…because NaBloPoMo is kicking my a$$.

All of you overachievers working desperately to keep up with this curse they have put on yourselves? You’re killin’ me. Zoot? You already post more than once a day when it’s NOT November? So your goal is to post 100 times this month? Geez! And Angela is getting married in a couple of weeks and is managing to do it. Dying here, guys. Dying. Everytime I open up my reader, there are anywhere between 60 and 80 new posts.

I gotta admit, I admire you guys. Because I’m the type that opens up WordPress, clicks to a new post page, and then begins drooling.

Well, not just drooling. Staring and drooling.

So I know myself better than to commit to a post a day. But not me.

Heck, I can’t even read every day. Much less write.

So. Today, I did it. I opened my reader and I clicked the “mark all as read” button. And I’m not looking back. Oh, I’m still coming to visit.

After I stop drooling.

I know, I know, I know, the ‘Fifteen’ post has been up for way too long. But guys? The work? It kills. Yesterday was horrific, and today only looks to be slightly less so. But in culling my e-mails (for something work-related that I was supposed to have received days ago), I saw this little gem sent to me by a friend.

Aaaaaaaaannnnd…because I’m such a wordnerd, I loved it. Because way back in the day, when I first adopted the ‘wordnerd’ moniker, I did it NOT because I’m a grammar snob but because I love words. I love what they do. Simplistic? Yes. But it’s da troof. Complex interplays of words with different meanings? I cannot imagine life without ‘em.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnndddd…agaaaaaaaaiiin…it IS Wordplay Wednesday in some parts of the blogosphere, so what better way to recognize it?

So…if you’re here, you at least love to read, if not to write. Enjoy!

  • The bandage was wound around the wound.
  • The farm was used to produce produce.
  • The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  • We must polish the Polish furniture.
  • He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  • The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  • Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  • A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
  • When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  • I did not object to the object.
  • The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  • There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  • They were too close to the door to close it
  • The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  • A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  • To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  • The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  • Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  • I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  • How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

And for those of you for whom English is a second language? No wonder you think we are nuts!!!

(Edited 10/11/07 to add the link to the quiz)

Me: So? You took the presidential candidate quiz to see who you should vote for?

Friend: Yeah. Who’s Mitt Romney?

Me: He’s a Mormon Republican.

Friend: Oh good grief!

Me: BWAH HA HA!

Friend: He’s a Democrat

Me: Nuh uh.

Friend: Barack and Hillary are tied for second on my survey!

Me: But Romney is ahead of both of them?

Friend: Yes

Me: I hate to break it to you, but Romney is a Republican.

Friend: I thought I saw an elephant?

Me: Elephant? Yes.

Friend: Isn’t that democrat?

Me: Goofball. No. Democrat is a donkey.

Friend: Holy sh*t. I got them mixed.

Me: Girl, you’re a Republican in Democrat’s clothing

Friend: OMG I’m going to slit my wrist. Gimme a razor quick!

Me: Hee!

And so it goes…

Note: Sorry about the purple. I couldn’t get it to go away.

Okay, guys. I have only worked two days this week, so I must must must get some real work done today. In fact, those of you who IM me from time to time should make it a point to message me throughout the day and ask me if I’m working. Because I’m soooo easily distracted. . . What with THE GAME, a holiday on Monday, and the hope that we get let off work a little earlier than usual . . .

But there are a couple of folks I want you to go visit. First, it’s Sparky Duck’s birthday! You all know him, and if you don’t, you should. (He’s one of my favorite L-words!!!) Anyway, he’s a great guy, and he deserves some birthday wishes. And if you want to wish his beloved Oregon Ducks luck while you’re there, I am sure he’ll be happy.

Then, you need to hurry hurry HURRY over to my friend Dr. Bitch’s site. Seems she’s got herself in a bit of trouble on this fine Friday, and needs all the good luck she can get in order to get through the day alive. Go see.

Jennifer, my good buddy, you are the go-to girl for this question. Because I, and the rest of the world, need to know if this is f’real:

On another note (and while we’re waiting for Jen to get back to us), thanks for the comment love yesterday. All 10% of you. Hey, it’s something. Yesterday reminded me of an old (verrrry old) SNL skit where Buck Henry was host. (Told you it was an old one.) He was a new talkshow host and was doing anything, and everything, to get callers to call in and talk on-air. And with each minute of dead-air time, he’d desperately try to come up with some sort of topic that would get the callers riled up. At one point, he said something about how much he loved dead puppies. (Very likely a had-to-be-there moment.) So be glad that I didn’t resort to posting about dead puppies or something equally vile. But watch out next year. No telling what I’ll do.

Let me start out by saying that age, and aging, have never bothered me. I didn’t cry at 30, or at 40. And I know I will celebrate 50 and the person I am when the time comes. I’m just generally optimistic. I feel good, and I do not intend to wallow in self-pity when I open the first “over-the-hill” birthday card when I hit the half-century mark. It just better have money in it.

Aside from the fact that the aches and pains that come from a good workout or a long weekend in the garden tend to hang around and hurt like the dickens for a lot longer than they used to, getting older does not have to be a bad thing.

Because it’s an attitude.

And I know that certain things happen with age. Like the eyes. They go. I’ve worn contacts for nearsightedness since high school, and have just, in the past two years, had to supplement my accessory collection with several pairs of cute, funky reading glasses. (Hey, it was that or continue to call my kids into the kitchen to tell me if the recipe says ’1/3′ or ’1/2′.) And I have lots of pairs because, well, I lose them. I leave them places.

Because, for all this happy-go-luckyism about aging, there is no way, on God’s green earth, that I am going to get an eyeglass chain.

Even a cockeyed optimist has to draw the line somewhere.

Next Page »

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.